A couple of weeks ago I saw something, which at the time seemed pretty incongruous, but actually turned out to be the preceding moments of a very serious crime. The guilt I dealt with for the next few days was pretty enormous. More than anything, I felt awful for not paying more attention to the disturbance. Having to sit in a police station the next day for over an hour and try and remember every little detail of a split second of my life was not only exhausting, but made me realise how little I had noticed.
I always thought I was the sort of person who would stop in a situation where someone needed help. It turns out, I may not be after all. I didn’t walk by on the other side of the road intentionally, but does the fact I didn’t realise the seriousness of the situation mean that it’s ok to not stop? Is that not just as bad? Is it a sin?
Being a student, and also being part of a sports team, practical jokes and the like are common occurrences. When I saw what I did, I was in ‘student mode’ and so my reaction was to laugh it off and walk on. If I hadn’t been a student when I saw what I did, or if I hadn’t been in Brighton, or if it had been late at night rather than the middle of the day, would I have acted differently? Probably.
So maybe God was teaching me to take more notice of my surroundings. Or maybe He wasn’t. I haven’t worked out yet what to take from it yet. Maybe I’ll never know.
One, hugely positive thing that did come from this was how my Christian friends really helped me. The guilt I was feeling was pretty tremendous, and I visited a friend who sat with me for a couple of hours, and allowed me to say everything that I was feeling, and why. At the end of the afternoon, we prayed together, which is the best medicine for anything, and she read Psalm 46. I won’t write it all here, since it’s pretty long, but the first 2 verses say the following:
‘God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea’
Psalm 46:1-2
So maybe that was what God was trying to teach me. Not to rely on my own strength, but to take refuge in Him.
A new beginning... 